Six questions to uncork stress

(Editor's note: The following excerpt is taken from the Amazon bestseller 5 Minutes to Stress Relief, by Lauren E Miller.)

“What am I afraid of?”

Behind every experience of anger is a fear. The next time you feel angry, ask yourself, “What if I fail?” Know that your definition of failure flows directly from your belief system.

What would you dare to do in life if you knew you could not fail?
~ Unknown

“What will other people think?”

When we worry about what other people will think, we end up becoming our own publicist and exhaust ourselves every day protecting our reputation. We stress out doing daily damage control when we could be putting that energy toward learning, growing, and creating solutions.

“What am I worried about?”

The German word for “worry” means “to strangle” and the Greek word for “worry” means “to divide the mind.” The word “doubt” means to be uncertain about something. Most of the time, stress is felt when you doubt yourself and your ability to handle a situation.

Jesus spoke about the craze of worry in life: “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” (Matthew 6:27)

“Why can’t I speak in front of that group?”

Fear, doubt and worry slither inside the mind when you give these thought forms more authority than you do to your ability to handle the situation successfully.

For example, you can reframe “I can’t do that!” with “I just don’t know how yet.” This practice will help you tune into available options for solution-based outcomes.

When you wake up and realize that this world is full of opportunities for learning and growth, you will be able to connect with creative solutions to any situation in life.

You are the main judge of yourself. Forgiveness and a willingness to seek out the lessons contained in each experience on Earth are essential in order for creative thought and action to flourish within you.

“Why do I feel disconnected and unsafe?”

Human beings need to feel safe and connected for inspiration, creativity, and productivity to take place. Positive feedback is a powerful motivator, and it can come from within (e.g., personal satisfaction and affirmation) or from coworkers and reviews. When you practice remembering your worth, the world around you will also begin to recognize and respond to it.

“Why isn’t this situation what I thought it would be?”

Whatever you focus on grows bigger! Your focus is your choice. Releasing the negative energy of unmet expectations onto which you hold when you “resist what is” gives you the opportunity to shift that energy into creative solutions and empowerment.

When you address negative thinking by trying to replace it with positive thinking, you set yourself up for resisting what is really happening. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, and then seek the grace to move through that which you are feeling. Remember your worth and capability, and it will be your guide back to inner peace.

“Why do I feel unseen, unheard, and underappreciated?”

From your perspective, these feelings may be true; however, if you choose to stay in this energy, you will remain in a state of emotional paralysis.

Your inexhaustible need for approval from the world around you is truly an addiction and becomes the ruler of your life. You will rise and fall depending on how the world judges you each day, and you will continue to feel drained, depressed, and unmotivated.

The truth is that you are enough, just as you are. You may not know it yet, or perhaps you do but you simply forgot that you are not the opinions of the world around you (as discussed further in Chapter 4, “Attachment and Happiness”).

Be careful of the different faces of “playing the victim” (e.g., blaming, complaining, and judging). These faces are the quickest and surest way of remaining “stuck” in your journey of life. This behavior serves no one … especially you.

Taking full responsibility for your life leads to empowerment and speaks to this statement:

I believe I am capable of handling anything. I have full confidence in my ability to come up with creative solutions to this situation. The way to do what I want to do does exist … I simply have not yet tuned into it. Take action!

Become the watcher of your words. By your words, you define your life experience. The anxiety kicks in when your definitions of your life experience are incongruent with what is actually taking place. For example, you are turned down when you ask someone out on a date. You might take this one situation—or compare it to others in the past—and generalize your entire dating experience. This will keep you stuck in the negative mindset and you will bring that into the next situation.

When this happens, look at your entire timeline of life, and find one or more incidences that contradict your belief that nothing works out for you in dating situations. If you find one piece of information that contradicts your impoverished view of reality in any area of your life that you feel is not “working out,” you open up your ability to tune into other pieces of information from your life experience that invite you into positive perceptions.

Many times you will use universal quantifier statements like “I never get anything done right” or “Why does this always happen to me” or “Nothing ever works out for me.” Be careful of using these universal quantifiers, such as “always,” “never,” “nothing,” “nobody,” and “everything,” to define your life experience. They produce all-or-nothing thinking, which places restrictions on your ability to access solution-based thinking.

Practice using solution-based words when faced with seemingly difficult challenges, such as, “I am willing to trust in my ability to tune into all available options” or “I have moved through challenges in my past, and I am willing to trust that I can do it again.”