Posted: March 01, 2010
Rundles Wrap-up: Too ProgressiveBy Jeff Rundles
After the debacle of 2009, I had high hopes for 2010. Rather than the rebound and recovery I had expected, or at least was hoping for, this year, as it turns out, is becoming one of recalcitration.
All my life I have known people whose basic métier was being an expert on what is wrong with everything, but they were the exception - crabs and complainers, but at least in the minority. Now being in opposition - and only opposition - has been elevated not only to majority status, but bathed in holiness, or at least holier-than-thou-ness.
I want to be for things, but advocacy is now anathema. If you want to get ahead, don't be behind anything. Being against it - being against anything and everything - is the key to advancement. We used to be pro-active; now we're anti-active, with equal amounts of anti and active being the key ingredients in success.
I want to be successful, too, and as much as I'd like to advocate reform, I'm convinced I'll have more impact being solidly against things. So here goes.
I'm against banks. They don't make loans, so what do they do? Screw ‘em.
I'm against mass transit. Losers ride the bus.
I'm against "green" initiatives. Sound and fury, signifying nothing. Tales told by dummies.
I'm against government at any level - federal, state, county, city, school boards, cemetery districts. Government seems to be the only place creating good-paying jobs, and I'm against that.
I'm against taxation and representation. One leads to the other, then to the other, and so on.
I'm against war and peace, and I can make cogent arguments why support for either is asinine.
I stand firmly in opposition to diversity. Whoever you are, I'm against you.
I'm opposed to health-care reform. I am also against the present health-care system, but any alternative would be worse, so there you have it.
I hate small business. Why? I'm against whiners.
I'm against free trade. It isn't free, and the "trade" part seems to be one sided.
I'm against lawyers, especially litigators, but also prosecutors, U.S. Attorneys, attorneys general and attorneys in general. So sue me.
I'm against higher education. What are they teaching those kids? I'm against that.
I'm against Wall Street. Up, down, down, up, panic, bliss. Sounds too much like bipolar disorder, which I'm also against at least half the time.
I'm against foreigners. They don't talk so good.
I'm against bailouts, handouts, safety nets, and assistance. Too expensive.
I'm against unions. Collective bargaining has "collective" in it, which is communist. I'm against that.
I just decided that I'm against winter. If it was summer I'd be against summer, but being anti-active requires visceral, immediate attention. Besides, I'm against the future.
I'm against young people. Pay your dues like we did. I'm against old people, too. What, we owe you a living?
I'm against Twitter (and Facebook, et al). You can call the messages "Tweets" all you want, but obviously they are sent by twits.
I'm against iPhones and, more broadly, smart phones (especially Blackberrys). In this day and age, too much information and the access to it is simply dangerous.
Come to think of it, I'm against anything with a small "i" in front of it. There's no i in team.
I'm against television news. Never have liked oxymorons.
I'm totally against online shopping. The only kind of "pay pal" I want is the pal willing to pay.
I'm against medical marijuana. What's wrong with all the legal pain medications, like Vicodin and Demerol and Oxycontin? First marijuana, then heroin. Jeesh.
I'm against progress.
Jeff Rundles is a former editor of ColoradoBiz and a regular columnist. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.