Posted 08.03.2010
The do’s and don’ts of networking: part 1
Most people don't do it very well
By John HeckersMost People Network Poorly: Part 1
Virtually every job-hunting manual, sales manual, dating manual, and office manual has a section on networking now. But what most people call "networking" truly is not. Here are a few of the worst abuses, and what to do right.
1). Networking as selling. Many people use networking to sell their product or service. At one meeting, someone tried to sell me pre-paid funeral plots! Networking is not selling. It is relationship building. Most people will turn you off the instant you start to talk about your insurance company, financial services company, or pre-paid mortuary...and rightly so.
2).Trying to get immediate leads. This desperation move is common among job seekers. They want to go to a networking event and get some immediate job or sales leads. It isn't going to happen (usually). You can't build on trust you don't have. Why should I help you if I've just met you? I'll gladly help people who have taken time to build a relationship (and trust) with me.
Rather than going for the jugular right away, see the networking event as a chance to meet and greet. IF there is enough interest, set up a coffee meeting within the next week.
3). Getting without giving. The most frustrating "networking partners" to me are those narcissistic and egotistical jerks who want to pick my brain, and give me nothing in return. If we're actually networking, it needs to be give and take, not just take. While I'm always happy to meet with a young person who needs mentoring and advice, when I'm dealing with fellow professionals, I not only expect something back, I am right to expect something back.
If you meet with someone and they just want to know what you know without sharing, cut them off, and let others know not to "network" with them.
4). Giving too much. On the other hand, some networkers give away too much right away. Look, you don't know if this new person you've just met is an axe murderer or Mother Theresa. Be cautious in giving names and leads. It is your reputation on the line.
Give one or two names or leads at first. Make those people you know well, and get feedback about the person you've given the leads to before referring others. Never "open your Rolodex" to anyone for any reason, or you won't have an active Rolodex for very long.
5). Making networking a social occasion. While I've made many friends who have started as business associates, if you're networking for business, get down to business. I've seen people waste a whole hour of a networking meeting talking about kids' sports, their hobbies, or their personal lives.
If you have a business networking meeting, spend less than 5 minutes on small talk. Then turn the conversation to business by asking, "What can I do today to help you in your business," or the like. It sets the tone for the rest of the meeting.
6). Helping the other person for the whole time. One of my alumni clients (now a good friend) would spend his whole networking time being helpful, giving advice, and being the tremendously generous guy he is. But he wasn't getting interviews or even any leads. When he started to ask, about half-way through the coffee, for some help, he got it...and soon was working again.
Don't get so carried away with being a rescuer or helper that you forget yourself. It is a tightrope to walk between selfishness and suicidal altruism. Keep your balance.
7). Counting on huge networking events. There are times to attend the mega-networking events, and ways to work them. But, generally, the huge networking events are not as valuable as smaller, targeted networking venues. Look for these in industry publications, ask friends, and get on job-networking mailing lists for these smaller, often quietly advertised, events.
8). Being a sleazoid. Business networking events are not intended to be places to pick up women, guys! Many of my female friends will only go to female-only networking events because they get hit on. Give your female colleagues a break, and respect their boundaries.
Networking is absolutely essential to success in today's business environment. Most jobs are obtained through networking, and most deals are made through networking. But remember that true networking is building a long-term relationship. It may or may not have instant results, but works incredibly well for those of us in the game for the long haul.
If you are at the Director, VP, or CXO Level, and job hunting, please join John Heckers for Free Executive Structured Networking, Monday, August 9th, evening, at the DAC. Sales free zone! More info and registration at: http://augustnetworking-cobiz.eventbrite.com
John Heckers, MA, CPC, BCPC is an Executive Transition Coach and Executive Coach in Denver, Colorado with 30 years of experience in helping people with their careers. Please join in the discussion below or contact him privately at jheckers@heckersdev.com. Can't get enough Heckers? Sign up for our free "Career Tip of the Week" here and read John's executive blog here .
Readers Respond
Well, Deb, I'm not referring to the shy or the inexperienced, but to the "takers" (and there are many of them) who simply want to pick someone's brain and give nothing in return. That individual who should be "burned" would ask for referral after referral and offer nothing in return....not just be shy or not "click" with me. I've helped many people I didn't have a "click" with, and can tell the difference between a narcissistic jerk who feels that he or she is God's gift to creation and has a right to everything I know for free and someone who is inexperienced in or uncomfortable with networking. The latter I give tips and instruction to. The former I broom.
By John Heckers, MA, CPC, BCPC on 2010 09 03Great tips! And more importantly, good reminders. The only thing I'd differ with you on is telling others not to network with someone (#3). It could be that they just didn't "click" with me - how do I know how they'll network with others? It also could be that they are new to networking, shy (and overcompensating) or a host of other things. Hopefully they'll learn from others, but that won't happen if everyone is told to avoid them.
By Deb Krier on 2010 09 02Thanks, Dr. Meyers, for the additional ones. I have a "Part 2" coming out in a few weeks that will handle a couple of these, but there are some novel ones in there, especially about the social networking sites. I get invited to every obscure social networking site on the face of the earth. I just use LinkedIn and Facebook, period....and those take up tons of time in and of themselves.
By John Heckers, MA, CPC, BCPC on 2010 08 04Great tips John! I saw Sandy Jones-Kaminski speak earlier this year on this topic and recommend reading her book "I'm at a Networking Event--Now What???" for some additional do's and don'ts on effective networking. She really knows her stuff!!!
By Valerie Hernandez on 2010 08 04Some others: Quantity not value: Building a Rolodex or Linkin site to win the prize for the most names Enough already: linking to the same people via multiple social networking sites. Maintaining this network leaves no time for anything else Imposter: Pretending you know someone on your social networking site better than you really do Wrong information: Giving out business cards that have incorrect or outdated contact information. Business card creativity: Being so creative on your business cards that no one can tell who you are, what you do or how to get in touch with you. More information than you want: Giving out cards that have shopping lists, parts of your lunch or suspicious 1-800 numbers scratched on the back.
By Arlen Meyers, MD on 2010 08 04Great tips in this article, John. I linked it on our business Facebook page. We are in PR and your concluding line about relationship building and being in it for the long haul is what we try to educate our clients about. Thanks.
By Rosanne Gain, Gain-Stovall, Inc. on 2010 08 03Leave a comment