Posted: March 02, 2011
Top 10 tips for effective communication
No. 1: Listen!John Heckers
Few things are more important in either finding a job or keeping a job than communication. Unfortunately, even many executives do not have the ability to communicate well with others. Here are a few tips to effective communication.
1). Listen. It has been estimated that we begin formulating a response when we have heard less than 15 percent of what someone else has to say. This means that our responses are often geared only to that small percentage, and not the totality of what the other person is trying to communicate. Quiet both your mind and your mouth and listen to what the other person is saying before replying. Then reply to the whole statement, not just a fraction of it.
2). Don't withhold. Too many people hoard information. Introverts are especially frustrating this way. Don't make someone crowbar information out of you! When asked for information, give clear, thorough and useful information. If this is too difficult for you, seek mental health help. The inability, as opposed to the unwillingness, to communicate clearly is a mental health issue. (The new upcoming Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) is in agreement on this, by the way.)
3). Answer the way you're asked. Didn't you hate it when you were a kid, asked for a spelling of a word, and were told to go look it up in the dictionary? Well, your boss or co-workers hate it just as much when they ask you for a piece of information that you clearly know and you tell them where to find it instead of answering the question. Answer the question.
4). Be courteous. Don't be a jerk! When someone calls you or asks you a question, do not respond with an irritated "yeah," a grunt, or, worse yet, silence. Answer courteously and promptly. Not doing so is incredibly rude...and incredibly risky to your job.
5). Watch body language. If your head is shaking "no" while you're telling a customer how great they are, your body is betraying your true feelings. I have to chuckle at a certain hair replacement company ad on TV where the spokesperson is saying what a great decision it was to have his hair replaced while shaking his head "no." This says "Liar!"
6). Ask, don't demand. You should use words like "please" and "thank you" consistently. Unless necessary, don't demand that anyone do anything. Even if necessary to order an employee to do something, be as courteous as possible.
7). Don't use jargon. Jargon normally separates people and confuses communication rather than facilitating it. I'm especially contemptuous of "business buzzwords" that fly around companies. English is a very rich language. There is no need to mangle it with jargon.
8). Don't evade. Do you notice how politicians are not actually answering any questions anymore? Instead, they constantly evade and go back to talking points. Keep in mind that this is why so many of us hate politicians. Don't be one! Answer a question with direct information and don't evade the answer, even if the answer is uncomfortable. Look, sooner or later the answer will be found out anyway. If you don't answer directly you're just adding one more reason for the questioner to be very angry with you. Remember the tale of George Washington and the cherry tree.
9). No circumlocution. "Circumlocution" means going around McGillicudy's barn to get to a simple point. Most extroverts talk way too much. Learn to get where you're going without going to Cleveland first. Avoid "rabbit trails" and long stories, unless you're using those to illustrate an important point.
10). Don't monopolize. Extroverts can monopolize a conversation, especially with introverts. Learn to take breath, give a minute of silence, let the other person collect his or her thoughts and get a word in edgewise. I have seen many people who have blown an interview or three because of their motor mouths. The first thing I tell my extroverted clients is to reduce the number of words flowing from their mouths by at least 50 percent.
Communication is what makes us human, separating us from the rest of the animal kingdom. It is also what allows business to go on. Being unable or unwilling to communicate effectively will seriously hold back your career, make you a target for a lay-off and can even get you terminated. Open your mouth (carefully) and communicate. If you are not skilled at doing so, seek professional help at once before lousy communications skills ruins your job, your relationships and your life.
Ready for that new executive job? Join John and up to 40 of your executive colleagues on Monday, March 14th, 2011, for Executives-Only Structured Networking. No vendors! More info and required registration here.
John Heckers, MA, CPC, BCPC was an Executive, Relationships, Life and Spiritual Coach in Denver with 30 years of experience helping people with their lives, relationships and careers.