Ugly behavior: How to stop it

A gentle answer deflects anger

Resist the urge to allow the bad behavior of another to spin you out of good character: love; joy; peace; patience; kindness; goodness; gentleness and self-control.

Three common responses are often used in those animal planet spins in life when we feel overlooked, under-appreciated or misunderstood: ugly talk; stonewalling and defensive behavior.  One way to dilute the ugly behavior of those around you is to offer generous assumptions around their actions. Practice seeing and responding to others the way you desire to be seen and responded to. As you commit to standing firm in the good character you desire to embody in relationships, you can actually lift up the negative energy of those around you. Love evokes more love; kindness evokes more kindness.

Grace is an essential ingredient in the process. Simply put, grace is a gift given and not deserved. It supports the practice of seeing people for who they desire to be rather than how their behavior shows up…is this not how we all desire to be received? Whenever you are in the "HALT"…and add an "S" on the end: hungry; angry; lonely; tired; sick; the person you are committed to being becomes highly compromised. This is why self-care is so essential. You can not give out that which you withhold from yourself. In the midst of the demands and to-do lists make it a priority to refresh, reflect and restore YOU.

Take 10-15 minutes each day to sit in silent meditation; unplug and reflect on those things that you perhaps overlook on a busy day yet when recalled offer you instant refreshment, purpose, meaning and focus. Too often, we spend more time living outside of ourselves than we do inside ourselves. This is an awareness that hits deeply inside our being when facing hardship, as we  realize in those acute moments of being out of control, that our greatest place of  strength lies within our interior world. I remember this clear-minded awareness  washing over me when I was told my time on Earth could be limited. Daily prayer and meditation has been proven highly beneficial for the entire body as it:

  • Activates your parasympathetic nervous system: branch of your peripheral nervous system that helps your body return to a calm, relaxed state after the threat of danger, or even daily stress, has passed. When this area is activated, your body can naturally rejuvenate, repair, and rebuild itself.
  • Slows your respiration down for longer, deeper breaths. Slows the production of the stress hormone cortisol, which boosts your immune system.

Those who sit in silent prayer/meditation behind closed doors, reflecting on their lives from a place of gratitude, forgiveness and love are more equipped to maintain good character in the midst of ugly behavior. This is a rejuvenating practice which yields powerful results. Sweet sleep comes when you occupy the space of the person you are committed to being in your words; thoughts; deeds and actions personally and professionally more today than yesterday.

When you take time to fill up within, you are more equipped to offer generous assumptions to those around you. Remember how your good character becomes compromised in the midst of lack of sleep; stress; and the HALT (hungry; angry; lonely; tired…sick)? Show the kindness you would like to receive in the midst of your ugly behavior moments.

Offering generous assumptions begins within you, inside your interior castle. Be kind to yourself when you are physically, emotionally and spiritually spent. See yourself as you desire to be rather than how your ugly self-talk depicts. Take care of your bodily needs. Stress is your body’s invitation to identify and adjust your perceptions of life along with your self-care systems. Self-care, including daily reflection, is the ultimate gift that keeps on giving to you and those around you.


Sleep, stress and inflammation are three main fuels for disease. Explore a healthy solution of a powerful 24- hour self-care system I use daily and offer my clients:

Categories: Business Insights, Human Resources